DEAR ABBY: I survived 17 years of abuse. I'm slowly healing and now in a healthy relationship I enjoy. My ex did what most abusers do in these situations: He isolated me from my family. He would force me to say mean things to my sisters and parents to keep them away and make them hate me.

Now that I'm out of that situation, I want a relationship with them again. Sadly, my sisters say I must apologize for my behavior (again), which I'm not comfortable doing. I did apologize once, but it wasn't good enough for them, since I stated that I was sorry he made me do those things. What should I do? -- GETTING PAST IT IN KANSAS

DEAR GETTING PAST: I'm not sure why your sisters are insisting you apologize again, but if I were you, I would do it to try to smooth things over. At that time I would explain to them about Stockholm syndrome, which sometimes happens when people are kidnapped, held prisoner and eventually begin to identify with their captors. Something similar may have happened between you and your abuser because, in a sense, you were being held hostage.

DEAR ABBY: My precious dog, "Rover," died nearly a year ago. I have grieved deeply, and feel I have handled it in a healthy way. I now have a new dog, "Spot," who has brought new energy to my home. I keep a few pictures of Rover around the house, as well as pictures of Spot.

Part of me feels it's weird to have pictures of a deceased pet on display and that it may not be healthy. Yet, I also feel it's fine, as long as it isn't a shrine to him. Sometimes I stop and look at Rover's pictures and smile; other times, I feel an ache in my stomach and tear up. What is your take on this? -- STILL HEALING IN FLORIDA

DEAR STILL HEALING: My "take" is that although you have moved on to a great degree, you are still grieving. Rover is part of your history. If photos of him bring you pleasure, continue to display them. However, if more often they make you sad, consider putting them away until more time has elapsed since his passing.

DEAR ABBY: I want to give a monetary gift to some close friends of ours before we die. It's in my will, but it occurred to me that they might as well enjoy it now, while they can. The rub is they're very proud and stubborn and won't let us "treat" them to anything.

I have given other people money and made clear, "I won't ask what you do with it nor ever mention it again. I just want you to enjoy it." Do you have advice on whether I should do this? And, if so, how? I don't want to damage our friendship. -- FRIENDLY GIFT

DEAR FRIENDLY: You are very generous. This is a question that should be discussed with your attorney or accountant. Of course, when you send the funds, there should be a letter explaining your intentions. This "transfer of assets" is sometimes done in families. Your legal or financial adviser can explain the details and whether other options exist. Then cross your fingers and hope your fortunate friends will accept the gift. However, if they don't, do not continue to press the issue.

DEAR ABBY: My dad, who is nearing 80, has been married to my stepmom, "Ruth," for nearly 35 years. She has always been temperamental and controlling to a degree, but during the last few years it has become abundantly clear that she's emotionally abusive to my dad.

Twenty years ago, I moved to another coast, and although Dad wanted to visit, the decision was always up to Ruth, so they never did. However, when it comes to her immediate family, Dad is required to attend every event. During COVID I moved just a few states away, and that's when I got the full picture. Ruth took away Dad's cellphone and sold his car, so he is virtually stuck. She will not even let him mention purchasing a vehicle. He's an artist, and she never "allowed" him to get a studio.

The list is long, sad and frustrating. He forbids me to confront her, but it is giving me daily stress because I love my dad and I fear her control is something he has grown accustomed to. Any advice? -- DISTRESSED DAUGHTER IN THE SOUTH

DEAR DAUGHTER: As repugnant as the situation may be to you, I do not think you should try to reduce your stress by creating more for your father. He has forbidden you from confronting his wife about her hypercontrolling behavior, and you should respect his wishes. I don't have to like it; you don't have to like it. But this is what your father has been willing to accept for the last 35 years. He and only he could have put a stop to it or left her if he had really wanted to.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a college student who broke up with my long-term high school boyfriend a few months ago. He was a cheating dirtbag, so I moved on quickly. I have been enjoying the single life, but now find myself in a bit of a love triangle.

"Derek" is blond and short, and loves to go to the gym. He's kind and attentive, and he seems to care very much for me. He invited me to his formal dance, but I turned him down because I didn't know him very well. He didn't take anyone else even though he had plenty of time to find a date. My friend at the dance said he didn't even talk to another girl, so I know he's very loyal already.

The other contender, "Shay," is taller and has dark hair. He has kind, blue eyes and a shy personality, although with me he really opens up and talks. He always checks in to see how I'm doing when I've had a rough day. In the simplest terms, he puts up with my nonsense. He has seen me at some of my worst moments and still showed compassion.

I'm genuinely torn between these two and don't know how to choose because I don't want to lose either of them. What do I do? -- BOY CRAZY IN IOWA

DEAR BOY CRAZY: I have good news. Because nowhere in your letter did you mention that either of these young men have asked you for an exclusive relationship, you do not "have" to make a difficult choice. Some people like both chocolate and vanilla ice cream. I suggest you be honest with them and enjoy seeing them both until the answer to your question becomes obvious. (Feel free to write me again if you meet a handsome redhead.)

DEAR ABBY: A couple of months ago, I moved from my mother's into an apartment with a friend I had rekindled a high school friendship with a few years back. The first month in, I noticed she had eaten a few of my freezer meals, so I confronted her about it. She started crying and told me she was waiting for a new debit card in the mail and had limited cash to get her through until the card arrived. I told her she should have said something, and I would have happily let her have some of my food, but for her not to ask was rude because I rely on those freezer meals for quick and easy lunches at work.

I finished the box of meals and bought a new one. It was a large box with six packages inside. I intentionally left it unopened to see if she would steal food from me again. Lo and behold, a month later, I went to open the box and saw she'd taken two of them.

How do I confront her a second time? She doesn't have a car so she Ubers to work, which adds up, and she spends hundreds of dollars on her anime hobby. If I can't trust her with small things like food and snacks, how am I supposed to trust her at all? We just signed a two-year lease, and I cannot sublet. -- HUNGRY FOR HONESTY

DEAR HUNGRY: I am sorry to say this, but your roommate has proven she can't be trusted. Are her problems financial or emotional? Cross your fingers and hope she can come up with the rent each month. If you can afford it, purchase a small refrigerator for your bedroom, install a strong padlock on the door and use it to secure ALL of your property until the lease expires. If your roommate asks why the lock and fridge are being installed, confront her again then.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing about the letter you published on April 3 from "Incredulous in Oklahoma." She said her boyfriend falls into a deep sleep lasting three days every two or three weeks, during which time he turns abusive. Abby, his symptoms might be caused by a rare neurological disorder called Kleine-Levin Syndrome. Your readers can learn more about it by visiting the ninds.nih.gov website and selecting the Health Information tab to search for this disorder. -- MARIAM IN FLORIDA

DEAR MARIAM: Thank you for the input. Several other readers also mentioned this disorder might be a possible explanation for the boyfriend's behavior. When I read her letter, I wasn't sure whether he might be "on" something, having an allergic reaction to a medication or unwell. This is why I suggested he might need to be examined physically and neurologically by a medical professional.

DEAR ABBY: My husband did not have a close relationship with his parents. Now that they are both dead, he emulates them -- wearing suspenders like his dad, drinking beer in the garage, having a TV in every room. His screen savers are of "Dad." What's the deal? -- PERPLEXED WIFE IN UTAH

DEAR WIFE: I think you should gently ask your husband that question. He may not realize that he is modeling his father's behavior. It may be a safe way to maintain a connection to dear old Dad, or proof that a behavioral influence can travel from generation to generation, but don't make a problem where there isn't one.

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